It's almost the end of 2014 and I still have not run an official sub-24 5k. (I can't count my last 5k, since it was only like two miles long.) Yesterday I ran another 5k and finished 2nd in my small age group, but I did not run sub-24. In my defense, it was snowy and hilly. Well, the snow technically melted before the race, but it was hilly. Excuses, excuses. I felt good and ran hard, just not hard enough.
Do you ever make excuses? I do. A lot. I make excuses for not running hard enough (see above), for being negative, for not being nice to my family. The excuses I use most often are related to having MS. I feel tired or dizzy, so I act bitchy. I am overcome with worries about my health, so I am scared to try as hard as I could or run as fast as I could. Most people probably would say that having MS is a pretty good excuse. But it's still an excuse, and it holds me back.
An excuse isn't just a thing you tell yourself after the fact, to explain your lame behavior. It's also a thing you have in your mind when you decide to be lame. You think, "It's raining really hard, no one would fault me for cutting this run short," or, "They know I am sick, so they'll understand why I don't show up." An excuse is how you let yourself off the hook. My husband Sean says people "cut deals" with themselves to act a certain way. After 12 years I am starting to understand what he means.
This isn't to say that there are never legitimate reasons for things turning out differently than you'd planned. Shit happens. Only you know if you made an excuse.
What if, instead of using MS as the reason I act like a turd, I tried to be my best self despite having it? If I feel crappy, I can still try my hardest. I can still smile and be pleasant. I can still run my ass off.
Do you have excuses that are holding you back? What would happen if you stopped using them?
Oh, Lord, Portia... you hit really close to home for me with this one. I've been battling the Excuse Demon, that little dude on my shoulder that constantly holds me back from being my best, for most of my life. It's only recently that I have silenced him for the first time in a long time. After that, I rented my for-now-dream home, applied for a job that I deserve, made some major life decisions and signed up for a half marathon training program. Sean is a wise man. I'm sure if you haven't read it, you've at least heard of the book "Finding Ultra" by Rich Roll. It's books like this, and blogs like this, and people like you that edge out that little Excuse Demon for me. I can't overshadow the Demon, I have to blast it with light and positivity and support!!
ReplyDeleteSteph! So good to "hear your voice." :) I'm really happy to hear that you are doing such cool things. Let's banish our excuses together!
DeleteAlso I REALLY hope you blog soon with an update on your recent major life decisions!
DeleteIt's so much easier to make excuses than to look at ourselves and think about why we are (or aren't) doing something, saying something, etc., isn't it? I'm eternally guilty of making excuses, for not running, for eating crap food, for binge watching Netflix...the list is long and mighty. Sean is spot on--we all cut deals with ourselves, and far too often.
ReplyDeleteBut. BUT. Don't make excuses for good things, too, and belittle your own achievements (point in case: "...finished second in my SMALL age group"). I find it fascinating how people (women, in particular--why are we so hard on ourselves?) have such a hard time being proud of something good we accomplished. You came in second in your age group (who the hell cares how many other people were in it). You didn't run a sub-24 5k yet (except you really did, because even on that short course you almost ran sub-23). I guess all I'm trying to say is to be fair to yourself. Some things things are just facts, not excuses.
You're spot on. It's a fine line between excuses and giving yourself a break or focusing on the positive. I am trying to find the good in things and focus on that. I could belabor the fact that I haven't run sub-24, or I could focus on the AG win. Which one will put me in the right headspace to go out there and do what I want to do? Obvious!
DeleteI also eat crap food and watch tv when there are way more interesting and wholesome ways to spend my time. Just know you aren't alone there. And although I usually don't skip a run, I did just take two days off in a row after the race! Sometimes a break is in order.
I feel compelled to return to share this: Yesterday morning I got up, put on my running clothes, and took the dog for a walk (he's not much of a runner). I had to drive to Phoenix for a meeting (3 hours each way) and spent the whole walk coming up with excuses for why I should run a shorter distance than I'd planned so I'd have enough time to get ready. I came up with about six different scenarios. And then I remembered your blog post and did my original longer run anyway. No excuses!
ReplyDeleteAwesome!! I had a similar moment this morning. I felt SO off during my workout and couldn't go as fast as I was supposed to. Instead of throwing a huge temper tantrum and quitting, which I definitely wanted to do, I put all my energy into focusing and finished the workout! No excuses. Although it's important to note that I didnt hit my goal paces, but I don't think I was making excuses, just could not do it. Hmmm. Would love to hear your take on this.
DeleteDon't you hate runs like that? Some days are just off. You wake up and your legs feel like lead, even though you had the most kick-ass run of your life a week before. But way to go for carrying on anyway. It doesn't sound like you made any excuses but instead made the most of a somewhat discouraging workout. At the end of the day, persistence and stick-to-it-ness (I'm inventing words here) is just about as important as anything else. And as Scarlet O'Hara said, tomorrow is another day.
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