Today, I am too tired to chew. I'm supposed to be out running 20 miles right now, and instead I'm in bed. For the past few days, I've been dealing with my illness (and the stress of getting sick during the peak weak of marathon training) in some really grown up ways...
I ran one mile on Wednesday, two miles on Thursday, and yesterday I ran five miles, which might have been a tad ambitious. I'm scared that I'll lose too much fitness if I give in to being sick (as if I have a choice) and I'm also scared of having an MS relapse if I take too many days off. Yes, I realize how stupid that sounds, but the last time I took time off for an injury, I had a relapse. This obviously implies causation and therefore if I take more than two days off in a row, I will die.
Aside from torturing myself, I've been torturing my family too. Sean says I am wearing my "sad tiara", which is his funny way of calling me out for being a drama queen. It's not enough that I feel like crap, I need to project my awful to everyone around me. I'm a walking bad vibe with a megaphone. I'm like a skunk, spraying the air with my "life sucks" perfume. You get the idea.
I don't have too many twitter followers, but I didn't want them to miss out, so I spent a significant amount of energy yesterday doing passive-aggressive angry birthday tweets. Sure, I tried to be upbeat (no one likes downer tweets), but really I just wanted everyone to know how shitty I felt and have a great big birthday pity party for me. Surprisingly, this did not make me feel better.
On top of being sick and tired, I've just been told that a) my thyroid is not working as well as it should, and b) I'm allergic to all the foods I love: wheat, gluten, dairy, soy, sesame. I'm also slightly allergic to all nuts and some beans. How am I supposed to be a pseudo-vegan with those limitations? Well, princess, you do everything you did before, but you eat different food.
Yesterday, my mom texted me "Sunday's child is full of grace." I was born on a Sunday so this was a cute birthday-related message. Unfortunately my mother is misinformed (or else she was just trying to be uplifting). It's Tuesday's child who is full of grace. Sunday's child is supposedly "bonny and blithe and good and gay." That's not accurate either. I'm more like Thursday's child, who has far to go. 26.2 miles, to be exact. Ba dum bum.
What have I learned this week? I need to accept life's little slings and arrows with grace, not with angry tweets. Although I'm missing my 20-miler today, I can do it later this week. I can still run the marathon. So I have to change my diet; I've done that before. I'm getting over being sick and I'll have energy again soon. The worst thing I've experienced in the past week is my own bad attitude. But I am going to try to be more like Tuesday's child. I'm going to rest when I need to rest. I'm going to shop for some new food and live without pizza. I'm going to be a better role model for my kid! A better partner for my man! I will be graceful! And a lot less constipated.